I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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