My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
