Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
