I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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