Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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