that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The feeling are messing with the penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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