this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
