I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
