I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
