I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize