Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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