I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
