is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
