White coat. Heels.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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