I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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