Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
