you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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