Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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