I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
