so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
