he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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