lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
