Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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