She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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