both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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