does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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