Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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