I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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