I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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