We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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