do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
