I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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