Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize