My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
