I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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