If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
