I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
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