And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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