my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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