HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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