apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
