you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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