I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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