Me. At least after what I've been through.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
