now i know why i became what i already was.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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