he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
