no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
