at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
