you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm like, not good at living.
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