You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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