Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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