He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
