My sheets look like a crime scene.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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