Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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