i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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