But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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