Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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