there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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