Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
