everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
