So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
