i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
