the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
