he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
