so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
