yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
