Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
