just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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