What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
