Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
