good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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