I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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