You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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