if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
